-          Eliot Chang

Eliot Chang

When I think of “Asian comedy,” I wish I conjured thoughts of intelligent, witty Asians or Asian Americans. But that’s not what comes to mind.

Instead, I think of a yellow-faced Rob Schneider as the gay Asian priest in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

Or James Hong’s character in Balls of Fury: the blind, perverted Ping Pong master.

James Hong

David Carradine’s return to his yellow-face roots in Crank 2.

David Carradine

And for the life of me, I can’t get Chris Tucker’s annoying, nails-against-a-chalkboard, rather-throw-myself-to-a-hoard-of -rabid-hamsters-than-listen-to-him-voice, out of my head as he cracks another Asian joke.

There are the classic examples, too: the overly dissected scenes with Mickey Rooney and Gedde Watanabe in Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Sixteen Candles, respectfully.

That’s not Asian comedy though - it’s comedy at the expense of Asians.

There are people who are working to turn the tide, however. These are artists who rely solely on their insight into human nature to entertain. They aren’t one-trick, plug-’n-play ponies with Asian gimmicks, like not speaking good Engrish, or a perverse infatuation with a blonde-haired bombshell, or are so “foreign” they don’t wear the right outfits/hairstyle/and designer underwear.

They are Asian comics - who could follow in the footsteps of Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, George Lopez, and others - if we give them the chance.

The Good

Dat Phan

Bobby Lee

Paul Kim

These guys are talented comics. Their careers have a long way to go - but I wonder if their material will ever take them mainstream. A lot of it is zeroed in directly on Asia America (which isn’t a bad thing.) They’re working within their niche, and if that’s the space they want to carve for themselves, they’ll succeed. As far as reaching mainstream American, however, a lot of people simply might not relate.

I hope they prove me wrong.

The Better

Eliot Chang

Jo Koy

Russell Peters

These comics have star potential. Heritage and culture are components of their material, but it’s not heavy handed. They don’t use race as their well-of-inspiration. Instead, they use it like a tool, to help shape and define their routine into something unique unto itself. They’re creating an experience you’ll only get by watching them - precisely what it takes to be a star.

The Ugly

Esther Ku

It’s easy to hate on Esther Ku and her particular brand of comedy. If you take an honest look at her material, though, you see why.  There’s little merit to be found:

• “Asians look the same.” 00:35
• “Everyone has Asian fetishes.” 01:03
• “Asian men can’t get dates… and will go extinct.” 01:37
• “We use chopsticks.” 02:20
• “Koreans eat dog.” 02:42

Ku doesn’t bring anything new to the arena of Asian comedy. It’s not even an original perspective on self-disparaging humor: you’ll hear the same Asian jokes on a middle school playground. Combined with her stage presence and comedic timing (or lack thereof,) all that’s left is her gimmick: a cute, Korean-girl persona who wears pigtails and “is so American she’s against immigration.”

Which could work! The purpose of a gimmick is to get your attention, and Ku does that with the certain sex appeal she brings to the stage. But a gimmick alone won’t hold an audience’s attention - you need quality content.

Compare Ku’s act to Beau Sia’s, Give Me A Chance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmiTaofCwr0&feature=related

A different medium, but an example of self-disparaging humor at its finest.

Sia’s last words sum up the impact these Asian comics will have if we support them, cheer for them, and most importantly, believe in them:

“Give me a chance, and I’ll change the world.”

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Neesha Meminger's Shine, Coconut Moon

Meminger tries to stay relevant. That much is clear.

She drops more pop-culture references than you can shake a [insert awful, reality-television-show/Paris Hilton sex-video/Gossip Girl-reference here] at. It’s a block party, and everyone gets a shout-out: Ludacris, Adam Sandler, Project Runway and pig-out sessions. Don’t forget Alicia Keys, U2, India.Arie, and of course, the all-knowing, all-seeing Wikipedia.

The thing is - it works for her for audience: teenage girls facing questions of identity and sexuality and re-reading Are You There God? It’s me, Margaret for the third time. By flashlight. Underneath their comforter. They eat it up. The success of Twilight and Gossip Girls (the books) prove it.

But if she focused as much attention on creating real, believable conflict as she did on staying relevant, Shine would be a much more compelling piece of fiction. Instead, our author gets so caught up in delivering her message, she forgets she’s creating a story.

Shine is the examination of a coconut, an Indian-American straddling the fence between her culture and acceptance as a white-bread-fed American. Our protagonist, Samar, has remained blissfully unaware of her Sikh culture until post-9/11, when her uncle arrives on her doorstep, eager to mend old wounds, and shows Samar the Indian heritage her mother tried so hard to keep out of her life.

As Samar finds herself drawn to those ties, as well as an understanding of who she is, tensions rise in her relationships with her friends, her boyfriend, and her mother. They begin to realize Samar isn’t the same person anymore. And so does she.

Meminger deftly handles Samar’s internal conflict, and her journey to understand her culture. Raised by a mother who left no trace of Indian heritage in their household, we feel for her curiosity, her defiance, her desire to know who she is.

It’s the external conflicts that falls flat. For a novel whose premise is tolerance and mutual understanding between cultures, its view of the antagonists is awfully one-dimensional, almost stereotypical: drunk, working-class white males who throw garbage at passing Middle Easterners, and try to take advantage of Samar in a parking lot.

Not that these people don’t exist - they do.

And not that there’s such a thing as a “good reason” for racial or sexual harassment - there isn’t. But in the minds of the antagonists, there is motivation. Right or wrong, these boys had a method to their madness. The author touches upon it briefly; a one-liner about someone losing work to outsourced labor. There’s no real attempt to give these characters depth, though - so instead of a truly compelling story about the racial tension post-9/11, we get more of “The Good Guys versus The Bad Guys,” and as Shine tries to point out, nothing’s ever that simple.

Despite these shortcomings, there’s no question anyone who struggled to find their own identity amidst their peers could relate to Samar’s story. In five, ten years, the pop-culture references will be out of date. But the premise will be as relevant as ever.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Related posts:

1. May Book Review: Shortcomings A selfish prick that takes no joy in life nor...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

We go through 50 or so when a customer walks by our table. He sees the enormous pile of beans, and his eyes open wide.

“Hey, look! Here’s your dinner!” he says to the woman accompanying him. Then he reaches over, and picks a few out, and pops it into his mouth.

Um, we’re working here, asshole. It isn’t dinner and a show. No one puts on yellow face, starts speaking in an accent they don’t have, and goes outside to pick rice wearing their straw hats.

I’m truly curious to know if this happens at any other restaurants. Do people go to a Garcia’s and grab the nachos and salsa without it being offered first? Do you go to Olive Garden and help yourself to the never-ending bread sticks?

Then why is it okay at a Chinese restaurant?

Related posts:

1. Are You Sure You’re Chinese? I’ve gotten this question half-a-dozen times in the past few...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

What if they’re none of the above?

While we’re on the subject of heroes, check out The Asian Hero Project, a kickin’ project by Stephen Chen. It’s a community-based blog that offers in-depth profiles on Asians and Asian American “heroes.” People who still actually read will probably get a lot out of it (and when I use the term “in-depth,” it’s relative to blogs with inane posts about how wearing underwear.

Here is my list of positive Asian role models, whose roles may neither be “positive,” and certain sects of society (you know, the morally upstanding ones) would hardly believe should be modeled. But, well - I don’t give a shit.

A non-inclusive list, in no particular order, of some fly Asian pick-up artists:

1. Loverboy

(I can’t embed the file, so please click thru to youtube and watch. Definitely worthwhile.)

Is it wrong that “Tribute to Sarging” gives me warm and fuzzies insides, and inspires me to be a better man? Well, if it’s wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

2. Dr. David Tian aka “The Asian Rake”

Dr. Asian Rake

Unless I’m horribly mistaken, I don’t think he’s referring to his M.D. when he he says “Doctor.” It’s more like “Doctor of Love” or “Doc Octopus” kind of doctor.Don’t let that keep you from checking out his website(s) (he also blogs at Power of Being Asian) which features great, in-depth articles on pick-up.

3.  Asian Play Boy

The Asian Play

The Asian Play Boy won 2007’s Best Asian Pick-Up Artist - decided by… well, no one really knows who voted and decided this victory. But I guess it’s still a pretty cool title.

And in case you didn’t notice - he was on the cover of AsianWeek.

4. Papa

No photos of Papa - sorry. But he’s the guy in Neil Strauss’ The Game who number-closed Paris Hilton, which is a double-edged sword:

One one hand, he number-closed Paris Hilton.
On the other, he number closed Paris-Hilton.

5. William aka “Better Asian Man”

Better Asian Man

Recognize the ad? William’s doing some serious marketing on your favorite Asian American-focused blogs, so show him some love and pay him a visit. He features some great pick-up articles.

He held a workshop at my alma matar, but unfortunately I missed it due to my own presentation. We’ll see what he comes up with in the coming months.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

She started gesticulating and talking about her “esposo.” I just couldn’t get it.

Finally, she stopped, and put her hands on her hips.

“Mi esposo,” she pointed a finger at herself.

“Es Chino,” she put her fingers to the corner of her eyes, and pulled them back. The universal symbol for “Chinese,” apparently.

“Como vos,” and she pointed a finger at me.

Twenty minutes in this hostel, and already I was feeling right at home.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

It’s a mess.

A mess that rips off Britney’s Stronger - which, interestingly enough, was a few videos before her train wreck.

Hopefully BoA makes a Britney-like return after this disaster, and goes back to making the music and music videos that shot her to the top of Korea and Japanese stardom. It’s not completely her fault - these things seem to happen when artists make that “cross-cultural record.” Look at Shakira: her Laundry Service-shit-of-an-album was nothing like Pies Descalzos, where she wrote her own songs and focused on things like, oh, I don’t know, singing? And not just the wiggle in those sexy, sexy her hips of hers.

Here’s to BoA kicking it old school, and returning to her roots like in these videos:

1. Listen to My Heart

2. Every Heart

3. Amazing Kiss

4. ID; Peace B

5. No. 1

I know these videos aren’t perfect, but we can forgive her for the corn-dogginess of it all, can’t we? Look at that face: surely you can write off the digitized dragonflies and the big, bouncy rubber balls as endearing.

But lyrics like: “And now my friends are asking me/What Did I do?/I hurt myself/Over loving you…”?

Un-freaking-forgivable.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

That never would have happened if they followed Confucius’ teachings. Instead, they emotionally coddle their children, and give each other shrugs and looks that say, “Oh, jeepers. I just don’t know what we’re going to do with him!” as steals cigarettes from his mother’s purse, and gets his girlfriend pregnant.

I’ll tell you what Confucius would have done. Slapped ‘em around a couple times, and left him outside in the cold for a couple of hours.

Confucius say, “Children are on their best behavior once they’ve starved for a sufficient period of time.”

Take my little Tommy here. The picture-perfect model of the son I wanted to create - I mean, raise. He gives me the respect I deserve, and why shouldn’t he? I feed him, provide him with clothes, shelter, and remind him on a daily basis if he doesn’t score at least a 2250 on his SAT’s, he’ll end up in state school and will have forever shamed the family name. And how the hell is he going to fulfill his duty as the eldest son by providing for me and my wife when we’re too old to provide for ourselves if he goes to a state school?

You read all these stories about rising rates of divorce - over 50 percent! These American couples, it’s unbelievable. Don’t they realize they should stay together for the kids, even if it’ll make your lives and the lives of everyone who darkens your doorway a living hell? If you can’t talk civilly to your spouse, just don’t talk to them. Ever again.

All I’m saying is, we should practice the principles we teach our children - as long as they’re Confucian principles. And if you wake up one day, and are startled to find your wife resembling a fat, unattractive cow, just sleep in separate beds. Eventually, you’ll find a mistress, but until then, masturbate.

Remember, you’re doing it for the kids.

So what if I never attended a soccer game, can’t remember anyone’s birthday, or have never shown any of my children one ounce of affection? Far more important is the dozens of ounces of respect I show them by acknowledging their existence in the morning with a grunt. Which I suppose can be construed as “love.”

It’s the same reason why I remind Calvin, Tommy’s little brother, that he’ll always live in the shadow of his brother, no matter how hard he works to please us. I’m doing it toughen him up. I’m sure he’ll understand in a few years, and won’t resent my callous attitude for the rest of his life.

Confucianism is really about the betterment of the soul, and improving the bonds between each member of the family. Its principles have shaped all my children into the respectful, obedient people it takes to be a successful, employed middle-manager in this world. It might even be enough to provide a future for that daughter I sometimes see running around the house. Susie, or Susan, or something like that.

She’s going to make a great wife for whoever provides the best dowry someday.

Related posts:

1. How To Be A Fly Asian - Step 1: Yu-Gi-Oh! When I decide I’d like to be the center of...
2. How To Be A Fly Asian - Step 4: Rock “The Bedhead” Look What? My hair? You like it? It’s all the rage...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Well, how can you tell? Maybe you just misread the question.

No. You can tell. Trust me.

Yesterday, I was explaining what exactly was in a chow mein and why the only natural preservative in a chicken mei fun was MSG. The one fat, butt-ugly woman gave me a look: “I can’t believe this is being explained to me in English, and I can understand what he’s saying! He can’t really be Chinese… can he?”

Yes, I can tell this is what she thought. It doesn’t take a mind-reader.

Yes, I tell these people. I am Chinese.

Or else they ask, “Full-Chinese? You’re not half or something?”

Look at this face:

This is a face that says, "100-percent Cantonese, baby. Don't fuck with me."

My mother’s family is from the village of Dai Pang. My father’s family is from the village of Tai Shan.

I am Chinese/Cantonese-American.

Related posts:

1. Do These Things Only Happen At Chinese Restaurants? My co-worker and I sit, an enormous tray of string...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

1. DDR
I think LilB came in second at this DDR competition, but he showed everyone what a true “freestyle” routine should look like. Around the world, even the most-hardcore DDR haters felt a little moisture in their panties:

2. Pen Tricks
Definitely considered one of those “Asian-things,” pen twirling might not be regarded as a “skill” to some. But finger dexterity comes in all sorts of useful forms, if you know what I mean, (wink wink.)

(And by useful forms, I meant open-heart surgery, or playing string instruments. Speaking of string instruments…)

3. Being Yo Yo Ma
Haha, you’re Asian, so you probably play, like, the violin or the cello or something! Haha, you know why? Because you’re Asian! Look at me, I’m playing the violin! LoL! Oh, I can’t see the sheet music because my eyes are so small, but it’s a good thing I’m so good at my instrument, like the cello…

(Is it just me, or do I have a boner for Yo Yo Ma right now?)

4. Anime/Cartoons
It’s a commonly accepted fact (by myself) that cartoons in America basically suck. We had some decent ones, but they quickly become hypercommercialized and destroyed by the insipid spin-offs and the inevitable desire to make-a-buck (e.g. Teenage Ninja Turtles, G.I. Joe) or are canceled despite rocking your socks off (Batman Beyond, Teen Titans.) When America cartoons finally started using the epic story-arc format that most animes use, instead of one-and-done episodes, they too, could be awesome.

Or they could just have action-sequences like this one:

5. Ping Pong
Basically, we rock at Ping Pong.

In multiple positions.

And with toys.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Adrian Tomine's Shortcomings

A selfish prick that takes no joy in life nor love finishes last in both.

Surprisingly, this is not as satisfying of a premise as you’d like to believe.

Adrian Tomine tells the story of Ben Tanaka in graphic novel form. Ben is the Japanese-American manager of a small movie theatre, with a severe inferiority complex. His professional ambitions are trumped only by his self-sabotage of the relationship between him and his girlfriend, Miko. Time and time again, he proves to be uncaring and apathetic to their relationship, and his white-girl fetish certainly doesn’t make things easier. What follows is a journey towards self-destruction, as much as it is a story of self-discovery.

When he and Miko decide to break-up so she can pursue a film internship in New York City, he begins an uncomfortable foray into dating outside his race. Eventually, he heads to New York to win Miko back, only to find that life moved past him as he stood still. Through most of the story, his lesbian best friend, Alice, is there to serve as his antithesis. She creates the balance between sensibility and outrageousness. Alice is also the key to much of Tomine’s humor, and the scene where she drags Ben to church to falsely convince her parents of her heterosexuality is priceless.

Tomine incorporates a simple, black and white drawing style. It pushes no boundaries, and doesn’t require much use of the imagination, but there’s no arguing its effectiveness. Clear, bold lines and simple textures don’t distract from the story, but enhance it, by lending itself to Tomine’s comedic timing.

The dialogue’s font is an example of this: Tanaka uses simple word bubbles that emerge from their heads, but small changes in the font help express communication in profound ways. Not translating the text when they speak another language, using broken lines around word bubbles when they’re whispering, and the occasional bolded word, all bring the elements of a comic and novel together.

Tomine’s fatal flaw doesn’t lie in his art or storytelling ability, but on a much more basic level: his protagonist is too flawed. It’s not that Ben is an unrealistic character - quite the opposite in fact. Ben exemplifies many qualities of members in the Asian American community, from his insecurity to his jealousy, as well as his hypocritical views on interracial dating. But the degree to which he takes his self-denial and selfishness prevents readers from developing any sense of sympathy for him. There’s no desire to see him succeed. You don’t want to see him grow up, or become a better man. Ironic tragedy is only tragic when you want the protagonist to win the girl.

Our author left the “sweet” out of the bittersweet. Because of it, we’re left without a character we can root for. And for any piece of fiction, that’s the greatest tragedy of all.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Stars

Related posts:

1. June Book Review: Shine, Coconut Moon Meminger tries to stay relevant. That much is clear. She...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.