How To Be A Fly Asian

My co-worker and I sit, an enormous tray of string beans between us. Anyone who’s ever worked in a Chinese restaurant knows the drill: when a shipment of beans arrive, you start snapping off the ends (which are tough and not easily digested.)
We go through 50 or so when a customer walks by our table. [...]

I just arrived in Buenos Aires, and checked into my first hostel. The cleaning lady saw me, asked me where I was from, how long I was staying, etc. I hadn’t used Spanish since I was in high school, and had difficulty understanding all the words coming from her mouth.
She started gesticulating and talking about [...]

I’ve gotten this question half-a-dozen times in the past few weeks. It’s not asked in the, “Are you Chinese… (versus Japanese, Korean, Laotian, etc.)?”-way. It’s asked in the “Are you sure you’re Chinese? You’re not white?”-way.

Well, how can you tell? Maybe you just misread the question.
No. You can tell. Trust me.
Yesterday, I was explaining [...]

Fast forward to 5:20.
I saw Avenue Q last winter. As my date and I walked out of the theater, we overheard the blonde woman in front of us say to her friend:
“That was wonderful - except for that Oriental girl. I couldn’t understand a word she was saying.”
As an Asian American, I really don’t get [...]

“Universal Truth is not measured by mass appeal.”
- Immortal Technique
I caught the tail-end of an interview with Will Smith during Entertainment Tonight. I can’t find his direct quote, but to paraphrase: “Studios are still reluctant to cast a black female lead next to a black male. If they do, the movie will be seen as [...]

Even in high school, he was The Guy with the Asian fetish.
“People would come up to me, people I’ve never seen before in my life. I’d introduce myself, and they’d say, ‘Oh, yeah, I know who you are. You’re the guy who likes Asian girls.’”
Things didn’t change for this tall, slightly goofy white male when [...]

I need to know something, Miss.
Of everyone walking down this street, why did you assume I was the one who could tell you where the Asian frat was, hmmm? What qualities were you looking for when you stuck your blond head out of your CRV? You trolled for an Asian American who looked like he [...]

“Yeah, a lot of Dutch guys, they like to date Asian girls,” Juanito says matter-of-factly. I turn and look at him. Juanito is very Dutch looking - straight blonde hair, blue eyes, skins so light it glows radioactive under a blacklight. When he speaks, he reveals two rows of considerably fucked up teeth, braces sparkling [...]